Onionuttapam Expose: Pharma Cartel May Soon Unleash Donkey Flu & Bullshit Flu Virus
Saturday, 15 August 2009 17:11
Onionuttapam.com has learned about the secret plans of mad scientists working in secret underground laboratories after interviewing Austrian journalist, Jane BurgerMister who has filed cases against WHO, UN and several high ranking government and corporate officials for unleashing bio-terrorism in order to profit from the resultant panic. The Austrian journalist, apart from discovering evidence that leading pharma groups planted bird and pig flu viruses in several countries intending to profit from selling antidotes, vaccines, flu masks, testing kits etc, has also found out that mad scientists are working on creating new strains of viruses to create more mass panics in the near future.According to the journalist who has met some of the scientists working in top-secret laboratories, these mad scientists are having a ball, laughing at the utter cluelessness of billions who buy their lies about the dangerousness of their lab-created viruses, disregarding centuries of conventional wisdom. "We deliberately choose funny names for the flu's caused by our designer viruses that mimic popular swear words and insults. First we gave you MAD-cow disease, then we released FOOT & MOUTH virus, next we unleashed CHICKEN Flu and now you have SWINE Flu. But except for few in the know, most people still haven't got the joke. So now we are moving to even more audacious-sounding names, donkey flu and bullshit flu." one of the mad scientist had told Jane BurgerMister.
BurgerMister told Onionittapam.com that these underground laboratories have been storing hundreds of different strains of viruses since last century which are periodically released first in animals and at a later stage amongst humans. WHO, an organization which was created by the cartel, is then used to generate panic by raising pandemic levels and predicting millions of infections and possible deaths. Clueless governments and media soon follow the lead and help create mass-hysteria which of course translates into billions of dollars of new revenue streams for drug and vaccine companies.
As per the plans, initially donkeys will be infected by the new strain of virus which at a later stage will pass on to people causing a condition that will also be called Ass or Anal flu. The symptoms of this flu will be severe itching in the anus and experiencing painful burning sensation in the buttocks. A highly contagious virus, it will transmit from one person to another during farting or releasing gas. Once people are infected by the virus, and few of the infected - suffering due to poor immune system or a severe underlying health condition - die, after detection of this strain of virus in their body, as per the usual formula, their deaths would be labelled as Donkey or Ass flu deaths. WHO will then press the panic button, give dire warnings and keep raising pandemic levels at regular intervals. On cue, local governments and medical authorities in infected areas will set-up elaborate mechanisms to allow every sneezing or coughing tom, dick and harry to get tested for the virus. Sensation-seeking media, as usual, will leave all their senses behind, give every death front page coverage and castigate the government for not doing enough. People will be adviced to stop farting in public places. They will be told to eat less, and chew their foods properly to enable proper digestion and reduce their chances of farting. After the spread of the virus, people will asked to take even more stringent precautions. Since this virus strain will be extremely microscopic and highly contagious, underwear and normal pants would be deemed as not hard and impenetrable enough to prevent the virus from escaping the anuses of the infected during release of gas or farting and people will be instructed to wear added protection like diapers, either inside or over their pants.
And of course, in such a scenario, since toilets will be the most likely places where people will get infected with ass flu virus, people will be instructed to keep their toilets clean and not to forget using flush after taking a poop. A likely benefit of the hysteria, especially for Indians, will be that local governments would be under tremendous pressure from citizens to ensure that public toilets are kept clean and sanitized. As a result of the panic, it is likely that all governments will undertake toilet cleaning drives and possibly, for the first time in the history on the nation, we might see public toilets that are hygienized, ultra-clean and highly sanitized. Another benefit of the hysteria that we might see will be banning of shitting in public places and strict enforcement of such a ban. If the mass-hysteria over donkey flu continues for a sufficiently long period of time, we might begin to see first signs of India's transformation from a dirty, filthy unhygienic third-world country to a second-world country.
A year or a two later, bullshit virus will be let loose on the world. As the name suggests, this virus will thrive inside excreta of bulls and will be contagious enough to spread through air or water. Millions of people, especially those in third-world countries like India, where cow dung or bull excreta is commonly found in public spaces like roads, will be at severe risk of being infected by this virus. But, as usual, majority of those who will be contaminated by the new strain of virus would be infected as a result of bullshit spewing from the mouths of television anchors on news channels, from highly exaggerated, panic-inducing headlines of newspapers, from retarded pronouncement of ministers and government officials and of course, from the mouthpieces and shills of corrupt, greedy medical establishment which will continue to lie, exaggerate, distort facts and peddle ineffective, dangerous drugs or vaccines as remedies for non-existing diseases.
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