With the over whelming success of natural catastrophes and full fledged wars, it was always going to be tough to find the true hero, the man who would stand against it all  and challenge the odds to be the One and only one saviour a.k.a the survivor.

It is never easy to select and honor that one special individual. It takes more than just experiences in life and achievements on the earth to select and recognize the amazing talents of such a great survivor. So was the case on the dawn of  9 October 2009, the Nobel Committee was in complete disarray, the Vodka was long gone, the chairman was searching for the nominees list and there was no water in the toilet and the only cigars left were just 4 wrinkled dicks. It was then the Committee decided that they leave it all to people who have more than just experiences in life and achievements on the earth and so as the sun rose from the east, the new members of the Nobel Committee took their places:

1. Joseph Stalin (The Chairman): An extraordinary leader with a highly evolved below-par human sensitivity. The true and loyal ambassador of the GULAG Trust.
2. Golda Meir: A very soft spoken Jew. Humbled by her achievements. She never made a move against any person or nation during her tenure in politics. She is the loyal servant to the now defunct Operation NukeBayonet.
3. Pol Pot: A God fearing man with superb economic and social visions. A dedicated and loyal Khmer Rougeian citizen.
4. Alfred Nobel: A man who had no intentions of harm but dynamited his charm. A super brain and now all set to become a spoil sport. He was the founder of the recently deceased Nobel Prize Committee and now just an ordinary member of the reconstituted committee.
5. Gavrilo Princip: The odd man out. A great visionary who loved the Archduke and a true patriot. He is the loyal mascot of the PDCC (Post Dated Cyanide Consumption) Victims.

After a healthy round of cigars, vodkas, with an occasional touch of human torture, orgies one blow-job by Golda on Stalin and some dictionaries to decode, understand and relish the moans, grunts, sighs and cries, the Committee is all set to start

Stalin: Where is the nominees’ list?

Pol Pot: Ah! The list, I need some AK 47s, 150 bombers, some 1000 grenades and yes a box of fresh made nukes.

Nobel: Nay! Peace my dear friends we are referring to the list of the nominees who will win my Peace Prize for the year 2009. Now Mr. Pot we are here for peace. Please refrain yourself from placing a purchase order. You could ask Golda after this meeting is over. She knows all about covert supplies sourced from the CIA and redistributed to the highest bidder.

Meir: Oh! Go light a dynamite you freak! Stalin I would prefer to look into Pot’s list but then since good old No-bal is here we will look into the Prize List. By the way Stalin do you mind if you can give me some nukes in exchanges for some declassified info on Saddam’s whereabouts in Hell.

(Meir hands over the list to Stalin, Meir probing instincts find Stalin’s hidden torpedo all geared up for annihilation. Meir has aroused and is aroused)

Princip: Gde se nadvojvoda?

(The pages of the dictionary flip while Meir searches for the ‘second page of the nominees list’  under the table)

Pol Pot: Ah! Nad-vo-j-voda!! Oh!! Him!! Oh!! Ah! Sorry no idea. I know Cambodian.

Stalin: ??? ????? ???! (As he read the list of nominees while Meir was still searching!!)

Nobel: Oh no! This is not heaven my dear Stalin. This is my Bofors headquaters.

Stalin: You mean the 37 mm anti-tank gun!!

(Stalin tries to stand up to salute Nobel but he is bogged down by a “Jew”-el under the table.)

Princip: gde je devojka pozvao Meir?

Nobel: Do you speak English?

Pol Pot: Ah! Me-ir!! Oh!! Her!! Oh!! Ah!! Sorry no idea. She is searching for the list.

Nobel: Oh yes! Where is Meir? Ms.Meir! Please present yourself at the table we have a Peace winner to choose. She is main man-power of the committee.

Stalin (lighting his Cigar): Nay! My dear Noble! The only real power comes out of a long rifle.

(Pol Pot raises and applauds Stalin, while there is acknowledged murmur from near the table. Noble goes down in search of the source of murmur.)

BANG! BANG!

Princip: i pucali na nadvojvoda!!!

Stalin: Ah! You did not shoot that Archduke!! U idiot! That was the sound of a Palestinian Settlement going down.

(Noble clutches his hands between his legs and pops out from under the table)

Noble: The 37mm anti tank!! Po-weeer-ful!!

(Nobel falls and recites his last will)

“I intend to leave after my death a large fund for the promotion of the peace idea, but I am skeptical as to its results down the zippers.”

Pol Pot: Ah! No-bel!! Oh!! You!! Oh!! Ah!! Sorry. You are going to die.

A minute of silence then ecstasy and then ultimate satisfaction.

Stalin: Okay, in honor of Bofors and the fact of this now deceased Swede, we will now look into the Peace Prize nominees and declare the winner. The nominees are President Pervez Musharaff, President Bill Clinton, President-for-life Robert Mugabe, Vaadu Naidu, a GM cotton farmer and the surprise last nominee, President Obama. Their brief bio’s are up on the screen. Let the scroll begin, Golda. No, No, don’t scroll my manhood with your tongue. PolPot, would you do the honors please.

PolPot: Me pleasure!

1. President Pervez Musharraff. He ensured peace in his part of the world by decimating tribesmen of the NWFP. His reasoning, if there were no people, there would be no trouble. The aid he got from the US of A to fight the tribesmen long after they were gone, he adroitly and secretly used for developing and stocking his nu-kleer weapons. His reasoning if you have nukes, no on will attack you. And if no one attacks you, there will be peace all around.
2. President Bill Clinton. This man, lady and gentlemen, single dickedly pursued peace in the corridors of the White House, grudgingly acknowledged as the seat of world power, when he was not doing the same on private jets while traveling to world capitals selling his F-16s and other sundries like bunker busters. His work can be seen in the Kosovo-Serbian area as a result of which there is peace blooming there.
3. President Robert Mugabe. His activities are geo-limited. Genocide is his middle name and machetes and silenced pistols along with clubs his tools of trade. He briefly flirted with tyre-necklaces but the impact on the environment made him change his mind. Thanks to him there is peace in Zimbabwe, since the minority Ndebele tribe has been decimated almost to non-existence and hence there is peace in his country too.
4. Vaaadu Naidu. He is here because you cannot ignore a billion-plus vociferous people who ceaselessly jaw-jaw about Bollywood heroines’ yawns, itches and their bitching. He is the Principal Agent and Redistributor of GM cotton seeds and thanks to him officially 5000+ cotton farmers have chosen euthanasia as a preferred mode to exit. Unofficially you could add three more ciphers to his body count. Thanks to him, the farmers, even in adjoining states have turned to more profitable ventures like Naxalism and Maoism, thus enabling peace to break out in the forest areas of central, eastern and north-eastern India.
5. President Barack Hussein Obama. His swift, early pronouncements – that he would close Guantanamo, that he would bring the troops home from Iraq, that he wants a nuclear weapon-free world, while admitting to the Iranians that the US overthrew their democratically-elected president in 1953, he made that great speech to the Islamic world in Cairo, he also has eliminated that useless term "The War on Terror," and  put an end to torture -- these have all made the world feel a bit more safe considering the disaster of the past eight years. In eight months he has done an about face and taken his country in a much more sane direction. Also it would be fitting, if he is awarded this prize on the 2nd day of the ninth year of the War in Afghanistan. He firmly believes that one should use a stick of dynamite to get rid of a mouse.

Let the discussions begin, Kamerads

Meir: Hmmm I will go with seeds guys; obviously he is mass gatherer and will do justice to all of us.

Stalin: I like you choice but then you need balls to make your actions felt, for that It is Mugabe. With the sake of environment being the talk of the decade I ma sure this Geo-oriented man is the man for the future.

(Princip approaches Stalin after a thorough search of Nobel’s body)

Princip: Želim da svetlo moj Mustikla

Pol Pot: Ah! Dynamite!! Oh!! Ah!! Dangerous.

(Stalin hands Princip a box of matches and signals Princip to light his cigar outside the hall)

Stalin: Ah! He is going out in his Blaze of glory. ??. ??? ? ??????? ???

(Princip exits out of the hall to light his Mustikla)

BANG! BANG!

Pol Pot: Escape! many Vietnam soldiers coming here kill me and us and her.

Meir: Nonsense. Our defenses are as strong as the fortress. None can come here. Moreover all that commotion was the departure of our beloved comrade, the Idiot. Now lets get back to the selection procedure. I vote for Seed guy.

Stalin: ??. but my dear sweetheart, he lacks the firepower to be the best. Why just look at good old Bill, my kind of man. A comrade with great energy, a man who can take a good shove and a heave to drive his point across.

Pol Pot: Ob-a-ma!! Ob-a-ma!

Stalin: Golda, honey listen up, the man has a point

Meir: Point? More like a bulb to me hmmm…sigh…what has the brown sink to say?

Pol Pot: I mean Ob-a-ma is doing his people, with bailout and health care. More Americans will vanish, and our brothers, the Red Indians, shall rise.

Stalin: Let’s take a vote

Musharraf thru the button-mic-speaker (illegally purchased from the CIA) on Meir’s skirt pipe “what abt me?”  Stalin rips the button off and grinds it under his dissident-skin leather calf-high boots.

The secret ballot is taken; the ghost of Noble is entreated via the Ouija Board,

Pol Pot (shrieks and waves a paper in his hand): A codicil, codicil,

Stalin and Mier: WHAT??

Nobel (via Ouija Board): The Peace Prize shall be given once in a while to a person who presided over the largest arsenal and mouth inane words from a position of bully-hood.

All: AMEN!!