Onion Uttapam : India's Leading Satire Daily

In a surprise move meant to reinvigorate her faltering campaign, Democratic hopeful Hillary Clinton dismissed William Clinton as First Husband designate.Those close to the candidate, speaking on condition of anonymity, said that Mr. Clinton, also known as “Bill,” had, with press revelations of his business associations with the repressive Colombian regime, plus a long history of support for anti-union causes such as NAFTA, had become a “real drag” on Senator Clinton’s ambitions.

While disappointing returns from Kentucky primary polls flashed on campaign monitors, the Senator’s spokesman issued a tersely worded statement announcing the resignation of the ex-President and thanking Mr. Clinton for “his years of service in support of Hillary’s career and her goals for America” and that the candidate would, “miss his presence greatly.”

Mr. Clinton will retain the title of Former Chief of the Free World.

Meanwhile, Senator Clinton dismissed rumors of her accepting the number two spot on the ticket from Senator Barack Obama, though she appeared to leave the door open, telling reporters traveling with her she would consider the Vice-Presidential nomination if she were also simultaneously appointed White House chef, a comment followed by that weird and frightening laugh of hers.

Campaign insiders said that Senator Clinton will shortly announce that her new designee for “First Lad” will be Kevin Costner who is expected to join her in the final desperate days of the primary season after the release next month of his latest flop, Big Advance in My Pants.

Reached at his office in Harlem, New York, Mr. Clinton, an uncommitted super-delegate, stated that he had not been forced from the Clinton campaign, but had chosen to remove himself so he could “devote more time to [his] family."

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Greg Palast is the author of the New York Times bestsellers, The Best Democracy Money Can Buy and Armed Madhouse: Sordid Secrets and Strange Tales of a White House Gone WILD. Journalist Palast has completely ignored the primary horserace to devote his efforts to investigating the new attack on the right to vote in the United States. See his reports for BBC compiled on the film, Elections Files: Theft of 2008, (watch the trailer) available at www.GregPalast.com

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