Onion Uttapam : India's Leading Satire Daily

"The risks of doing nothing far outweigh the risks of whatever it takes to disarm Saddam Hussein."
George W. Bush, February 10, 2003 (and several other occasions prior to the second Iraq war)

"The risk of doing nothing far outweighs the risk of the [$700 billion-plus mortgage bail-out] package."
George W. Bush, September 20, 2008

US President George Bush, mastermind of the world-wide war on terror, in his last few months in office, has opened a new front in his relentless drive against enemies of mankind. Last night, in a prime-time televised speech seeking public support for his $700-billion Wall-Street rescue plan, Bush declared a 'War on Capitalism'

"Our entire economy is in danger from the excesses of capitalism. We're in the midst of a serious financial crisis. Without immediate action against capitalism, America would slip into a financial panic" warned Bush in his 13-minute speech from the White House, after angry legislators on Capitol Hill declared the $700-billion bail-out dead on arrival.

This strategy of saving capitalists from the dire fallouts of capitalism is in sharp contrast to America's earlier tryst with capitalism-related crises during the great depression of 1929, when President Roosevelt pushed for serious regulation of the securities market in order to save capitalism from capitalists.

But Bush being a true capitalist-at-heart, realizes that capitalism itself is the primary cause of all the mess that Wall-Street today finds itself in and by nationalizing Wall-Street's bad debts and by bailing out rich pricks at the cost of tax-payers, their children and their grandchildren, he has decided to strike at the very roots of capitalism.

While America's newest war against capitalism might seem ironic considering that the US was the greatest exporter of capitalism post-world war II and fought many wars on many fronts for many decades all over the world to protect capitalism on its soil and on foreign soils from the danger of communism, it comes as no surprise to astute observers who have noticed a regular pattern of America creating and promoting Frankenstein monsters and later declaring war against the same monsters.

In the late 50's, CIA's Clandestine Services Department experimented with mind-control drugs and unleashed LSD on its unsuspecting population leading to the rebellion of its youth in 60's and the emergence of hippie culture. But in 1971, US government declared drug abuse as "public enemy number one in the United States" and the then President Richard Nixon declared an unsuccessful war on drugs.

Similarly, it was CIA who created international terrorism and its prized poster-boy Osama Bin Laden during late seventies and early eighties by pouring at least US$ 20 billion worth of arms, training and funds to prop up the mujaheddin factions in Afghanistan. But after the 9/11 attacks on WTC towers, it turned its back on its own creation and declared war on terror and Osama, and despite its sophisticated technological imagery, it cannot pin-point his location or capture him. His mocking videos regularly surface on internet sites as a taunt to Bush and his crony Dick C.

Meanwhile, despite the fervent pleadings of the president, not many in Capitol Hill share his passion for bailing-out Wall-Street billionaires. Republican Senator Marcy Kaptur delivered a feiry speech where she ripped apart Bush administration and Wall-Street calling the bailout the latest reality game.

Transcript:

Ms. KAPTUR. Mr. Speaker, here is the latest reality game. Let's play Wall Street Bailout.

Rule one: Rush the decision. Time the game to fall in the week before Congress is set to adjourn and just 6 weeks before an historic election so your opponents will be preoccupied, pressured, distracted, and in a hurry.

Rule two: Disarm the public through fear. Warn that the entire global financial system will collapse and the world will fall into another Great Depression. Control the media enough to ensure that the public will not notice this.

Bailout will indebt them for generations, taking from them trillions of dollars they earned and deserve to keep.

Rule three: Control the playing field and set the rules. Hide from the public and most of the Congress just who is arranging this deal. Communicate with the public through leaks to media insiders. Limit any open congressional hearings. Communicate with Congress via private teleconferencing calls. Heighten political anxiety by contacting each political party separately. Treat Members of Congress condescendingly, telling them that the matter is so complex that they must rely on those few insiders who really do know what's going on.

Rule four: Divert attention and keep people confused. Manage the news cycle so Congress and the public have no time to examine who destroyed the prudent banking system that served America so well for 60 years after the financial meltdown of the 1920s.

Rule five: Always keep in mind the goal is to privatize gains to a few and socialize loss to the many. For 30 years in one financial scandal after another, Wall Street game masters have kept billions of dollars of their gain and shifted their losses to American taxpayers. Once this bailout is in place, the greed game will begin again.

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