Help Save This Tiger Too

Saturday, 20 February 2010 14:31

Written by maverick58, onionuttapam news

After plumbing deep into, as of now 14 wells the Tiger roared, albeit mutedly that he had enough and the well allotted to him which he claimed was running dry is back with the earlier spout and that though he was as at the time of going to press, only slurping at the edges, being on probation for an indefinite time.

At a hastily arranged media meet that had only a sprinkling of journalists, one camera and selected friends and his mother, Tiger went on to admit that his diving without protective gear into the depths of stolen clams had ruined his sense of purpose and direction in life at both fronts, home and professional.

He was candid enough to admit that a 45-day re-orientation program was just not enough to get over the after-effects of skinny-dipping in unknown wells that had no restraining walls and warning signs of the dangers they posed for athletes who have stratospheric performances in their choice of disciplines. He was confident that he would be back to his chosen sport called golf because shit was already taken, but was unable to put a dick, err finger, as to the exact timing of his return.

Sounding very somber the Tiger went on to contritely add that he had failed in his responsibilities as the man to his wife. (In all departments except one, we hope.) He refused to acknowledge the number of wells he had plumbed, examined and fixed citing professional reasons. He also rejected the claims of the mainstream media that he had used performance-enhancing drugs for his diving-into-wells sport. We quote, “ I have never used any performance enhancing drugs for my other favourite sport and the one that made me a house-hold name” He refused to comment if a certain photo of an Asian golfer was the inspiration and sole motivation for his behaviour in parking lots where he practiced his drilling and lining the wells.

The OU team, which had rushed to the secret media-meet, caught him on the way out for a sound bite. The Tiger instead of lashing out at us, imploringly, “Please leave my family out of this” We assured him that we were not interested in his family but we were in awe of his performances everywhere. He blushed on hearing this and patted our reporter on her rump, affectionately and said, “ Honey! That was another time but bow I am a different person and interested in exploring new well-sites”

Our reporter fainted at the implicit rejection and we hurried after Tiger to his car, wished him luck in his quest for a cure in his therapy (though many blondes would disapprove whole heartedly of such therapy and would promise a lifetime of secrecy and would want to examine his irons and partake of the ‘whole nine inches’) and scurried back to revive our reporter. She was bemused on waking up cause the Tiger had used an exploratory finger while patting her rump.

That’s all from this exclusive report, folks. You can go back to your humdrum lives and single owned-wells, while enviously eyeing the wells in your neighbourhood. Be good to your neighbours and keep them wet and slurpy, err happy!

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