Onion Uttapam : India's Leading Satire Daily

1. Terror attacks can’t dampen pigeons’ spirits
(National/National)

... we hope you get to have a better life. Guturgu Patil: it’s alright, it’s okay, and it doesn’t hurt us anymore, after all we symbolize world peace.  ...

2. Mum's the word
(Sports/Sports)

... a haphazardly put together effort to keep up with the Pidilites of the world (not the Corporate House of Mahindras, as was helpfully pointed out by one of my most trivial friends), the advertising agency ...

3. Hollywood studios reject 'Pirates of Somalia' movie proposal, allege filmmakers
(World/World)

... pirates and show to the world the real truth about piracy. In reality, there are no heroic and villianous pirates, only big pirates and small pirates. The big pirates rule the high seas, operate under ...

4. Rahul Mahajunk: I'm qualified to become India's Bigg Boss
(People/Life/People/Life)

... charisma and hot air. In a world where style, empty rhetoric and entertainment quotient scores over substance, I'm the perfect candidate that can capture the nation's imagination."  ...

5. Satyamave Jayate
(National/National)

... secularists and communalists. Indians who have sent a message to the world that we have never been united, that we are just a collection of individuals or a collection of Hindi and non-Hindi states. We ...

6. Oxford-Webster dictionaries to redefine the word 'terrorist'
(World/World)

... 'terrorism' as 'the systematic use of terror especially as a means of coercion' This change has been prompted by general wide-spread belief all over the world that only Muslims can be terrorists, ...

7. Obamessiah to usher in a Golden Age
(World/World)

After emerging victorious from one of the most obamafying elections in the history of United States, president-elect Barack Hussein Obama would magically solve all the problems the world is facing ...

8. Is Pappu Yadav Good or Bad for Madhepura?
(Editorial/Editorial)

... to occupy the seat of the president of United States? Which of the two candidates will be good for the world? Have you asked such questions yourself? Of course, you haven't! Why should you? It shouldn't ...

9. Bush exit will be a huge blow to comedians
(World/World)

With US presidential results declared, while the entire world is feeling relieved that the eight-year rule of George W Bush, marred by disastrous wars, massive foreign policy blunders and near-economic ...

10. India wins freedom from Ekta's empire
(Entertainment/Entertainment)

... last, the soap-junkies began to wake up from their stupefaction and started noticing the slightly more real world of singers, dancers and stuntwomen. In order to completely wake them up, even cricketers were ...

11. Stunned by serial condemnations, terrorists vow to stop serial blasts
(National/National)

... coming from all over the world has had the desired effect on the morale and drive of terrorist groups and has left them bereft of the desire to indulge anymore in acts of terror. "We are distressed ...

12. Prices of turmeric and milk go through the roof in India!!!
(Sports/Sports)

For a number of very secular reasons Sachin Tendulkar is considered a ‘God’ by Indian cricket fans around the world. His achievements, his dedication to his craft and, most of all, his humility make him ...

13. Support Supermanoos Raj Thackeray!
(National/National)

... of the world. Let's stop using cellphones, emails, TV, foreign Movies and dramas. James Bond should speak only in Marathi. We should be ready to die hungry or buy food at 10 times higher price but ...

14. Mad Cow disease outbreak in quarters of India Inc
(Business/Business)

... people started to suspect the mad cow epidemic in India Inc. While everything was going good, these captains became so much confident that they thought India Inc, is going to conquer the world by tomorrow. ...

15. What experts say: Panic!
(Business/Business)

It's been a bad week on Wall Street. All world indices are avalanching downward, and the July to September summary of 401(k) statements in people's mailboxes look like black diamond ski slopes. It's ...

16. Bullshit Alert!
(World/World)

Since the second World War ended, politicians across the world have been using bullshit at an alarming rate. The rate of bullshit usage is so high, some scientists are saying that our world is very close ...

17. One Hundred years of Celibacy
(People/Life/People/Life)

... New Zealand as a child before returning to Britain in her 20s to work as a secretary and housekeeper.She served with the army in Egypt during World War II, and subsequently lived in London and New Zealand ...

18. Bollywood feels the Blues: Top stars support strike for better wages
(Entertainment/Entertainment)

... delayed payments. Although bollywood  films portray a world of glitter and glamour, with lush production numbers, working conditions on the sets are notoriously poor. Workers who build movie sets or ...

19. Sonia-Shivraj: A Love Story
(Editorial/Editorial)

... looks are very important and hence takes care to be never seen wearing the same suit twice. People in love often tend to look at the world with rose-tinted glasses which is why Patil failed to understand ...

20. Bush declares War on Capitalism
(World/World)

... risk of doing nothing far outweighs the risk of the [$700 billion-plus mortgage bail-out] package." George W. Bush, September 20, 2008 US President George Bush, mastermind of the world-wide war on terror, ...