Onion Uttapam : India's Leading Satire Daily

1. Terror attacks can’t dampen pigeons’ spirits
(National/National)

... eaten by others as I had to fly off each time those big sounds went off. FN: But we must congratulate you, as we saw that you, along with other pigeons, used to come back instantly and eat the grains. ...

2. Mum's the word
(Sports/Sports)

... tune in to watch. Ironic, eh? Most certainly! (One of the rare times that it has been used correctly, if I may add.) Regular advertising-watch … err, cricket watchers on television will also agree with ...

3. Hollywood studios reject 'Pirates of Somalia' movie proposal, allege filmmakers
(World/World)

... be titled "Pirates of Somalia" According to director Gore Vebrinski, Disney studio bosses were not too enthused by the prospect of making a movie based on real life Black, Afrikaner pirates fearing ...

4. M-Seal offers to sponsor BCCI Selection Committee meetings
(Sports/Sports)

... things that can be caused by leaks, they can put a serious question mark on the authority of the captain of the Indian cricket team. Now, now, we certainly can’t have that, can we? Well, not anymore. Not ...

5. Rahul Mahajunk: I'm qualified to become India's Bigg Boss
(People/Life/People/Life)

... of them see him as a lazy, selfish brat living off his dad's ill-gotten crores, a druggie, womanizer and a coward to boot who refused to stand up even for himself allowing his so-called friend Raja Chaudhary ...

6. Oxford-Webster dictionaries to redefine the word 'terrorist'
(World/World)

... a report on the support that Sadhvi Pragya SIngh Thakur, a women belonging to a right-wing group and accused of terrorism, has been receiving from thousands of her online well-wishers. According to ...

7. Obamessiah to usher in a Golden Age
(World/World)

... Dalai Loboma will reign supreme! Glossary of the terms used above: (courtesy - Encyclopedia Baracktannica) Obamessiah - (oh-bah-mess-ee-aah) The new leader of USA indicated by the euphoric evangelical ...

8. Bush exit will be a huge blow to comedians
(World/World)

... end with the end of Bush presidency. For the last few years, every morning when I used to wake up with cold sweat wondering what I would write for the day's show, the picture frame of goofy-looking ...

9. Stunned by serial condemnations, terrorists vow to stop serial blasts
(National/National)

... terror. Harsh words used against us by the leaders of the world has broken our spirits, destroyed our motivation and made us realize how unloved we are and how unwelcome and unpopular our acts of violence have ...

10. Bullshit Alert!
(World/World)

... for everyone, democracy, freedom and justice for all, equality, abolishment of poverty, improvement in standard of living, roads, 24/7 power and water etc...blah blah blah! So much bullshit has been used ...

11. Bush declares War on Capitalism
(World/World)

... attention and keep people confused. Manage the news cycle so Congress and the public have no time to examine who destroyed the prudent banking system that served America so well for 60 years after the ...

12. Virgin Auction
(People/Life/People/Life)

... release. Inversely, men generally do not see wives and mothers as sex objects. For one thing, another man will thrash them if they do. Women used to devote their lives to their families and saved their ...

13. Hail Rajnikaanth!!
(Entertainment/Entertainment)

...  10. If you Google Search 'Rajnikanth getting kicked' it gives zero results. It doesn't just happen. 11. It takes Rajnikanth just 20 minutes to watch 60 minutes. 12. The Bermuda Triangle used to be Bermuda ...

14. From BhaiyaLand
(People/Life/People/Life)

... Tamil accent in Hindi movies used to be spoken by comedians, the bhojpuri accent was reserved  for uncultured, uneducated villagers representing a character in the films  who doesn't know any manner's ...

15. To be Born or Not to be born
(People/Life/People/Life)

... has been focused on millions of similar foetuses which are not in the glare of publicity. Only if the poor child could hear all the people around him discussing about the number of diseases he could ...

16. The Confessions of a Finance Professional
(Business/Business)

... real life stories of Narayana Murthys and Aziz Premjis. And when all these weapons are used, most of you fall. Only the extremely lucky escape from the heady brew that we concoct. So, to a small timer ...

17. Eco-Terrorism
(Editorial/Editorial)

... to think beyond their noses the UN has banned kerosene, promoting the use of charcoal, the burning of which kills 5 million young people from diseases caused by indoor wood-smoke inhalation, annually. ...

18. Happy Birthday, Dubya!!
(Editorial/Editorial)

... for eternity. 3. The Government has abused its leadership position in the world by promoting fear-based military force as the international culture of America, rather than a culture of innovation, compassion, ...

19. MNC Launches Another Product We Dont Care About
(Business/Business)

... the complexity of the process and the highfalutin technical jargon that will be used to describe the process will impress you enough to believe their exaggerated claims. b. the promotional campaign ...

20. 'Lets Eat The Chinese Tonight'
(Editorial/Editorial)

... like Vegas are increasingly in jeopardy, we need to stir ourselves to act. Much of the arable land we could use to produce more crops for human consumption is instead used to raise and feed livestock. ...