Onion Uttapam : India's Leading Satire Daily

1. Terror attacks can’t dampen pigeons’ spirits
(National/National)

... eaten by others as I had to fly off each time those big sounds went off. FN: But we must congratulate you, as we saw that you, along with other pigeons, used to come back instantly and eat the grains. ...

2. Mum's the word
(Sports/Sports)

... tune in to watch. Ironic, eh? Most certainly! (One of the rare times that it has been used correctly, if I may add.) Regular advertising-watch … err, cricket watchers on television will also agree with ...

3. Hollywood studios reject 'Pirates of Somalia' movie proposal, allege filmmakers
(World/World)

The makers the 'Pirates of the Caribbean' movie series have alleged that Hollywood studios have rejected their proposal to make a new movie based on recent piracy incidents off the Somalian coast to ...

4. M-Seal offers to sponsor BCCI Selection Committee meetings
(Sports/Sports)

... to spot any opportunity to shill, one of the men in marketing, this time from the corporate House of Mahindras felt this was as good a window as any to gain some mileage from the gazillion eyeballs that ...

5. Rahul Mahajunk: I'm qualified to become India's Bigg Boss
(People/Life/People/Life)

... planning to join politics. Is it true? Do you think you are qualified to be a politician? "Of course I'm" replied Rahul, "In my three months stay at Lonawala, I've time and again exhibited all the qualities ...

6. Satyamave Jayate
(National/National)

Hello, India. If there is anyone out there who still doubts that India is a place where all things are possible, who still wonders if the dream of our founders is alive in our time, who still questions ...

7. Oxford-Webster dictionaries to redefine the word 'terrorist'
(World/World)

... scope in view of general public sentiments. Michael Palin, publisher of Oxford English Dictionary said that in the next edition of Oxford Dictionary the word 'terrorist' would be defined as 'a Muslim ...

8. Obamessiah to usher in a Golden Age
(World/World)

... better shape than it was ever before. Barackupied, they will have no time to worry about the global economic crisis, recession, unemployment or global warming and spend all their time chanting the obamantra ...

9. Is Pappu Yadav Good or Bad for Madhepura?
(Editorial/Editorial)

... elections in United States of America. Every time America goes to polls, the number one question that comes to our mind is - Which of the two opposing candidates will be good for India? We desire to ...

10. India wins freedom from Ekta's empire
(Entertainment/Entertainment)

... their daily dose of harebrained plots, delirious camera angles, hollering background cacophony and hideous hamming. At one point of time, it looked like all was lost. It seemed that Indian airwaves ...

11. This man has no pulse-Part One
(Editorial/Editorial)

... and I could hear the rain pittering and pattering against my frosted glass sliding windows. I grope for my mobile to check out the time, its 9.55am, I groan since the electricity, current or power would ...

12. Prices of turmeric and milk go through the roof in India!!!
(Sports/Sports)

... next Test match. In the meantime, the Ministry of Pointless Public Announcements is considering issuing a public interest petition, in triplicate of course, requesting famous personalities to promote ...

13. Support Supermanoos Raj Thackeray!
(National/National)

... of the world. Let's stop using cellphones, emails, TV, foreign Movies and dramas. James Bond should speak only in Marathi. We should be ready to die hungry or buy food at 10 times higher price but ...

14. Mad Cow disease outbreak in quarters of India Inc
(Business/Business)

... signs. They are now working overtime in interview mode with all TV channels including entertainment channels (actually the later ones fit them better). On the one hand they are maintaining that everything ...

15. What experts say: Panic!
(Business/Business)

... a lousy time to be an investment banker, or a hedge fund manager, or planning a December retirement. So Forbes.com asked some of the nation's foremost experts in financial crisis what people should ...

16. Bullshit Alert!
(World/World)

... to feed the increasing numbers questioning authority and demanding change of amount of shit they have to swallow. Economists had long predicted the time when demand for bullshit would outstrip the supply ...

17. One Hundred years of Celibacy
(People/Life/People/Life)

... like a bee? OU: Yes, ma'am CM: Oh!! Thank you so much. I will give him a gift on my 106th birthday[cackle] OU: Thats his choice, ma'am. Thank you very much for your time. Have a great wetcome.  ...

18. Bollywood feels the Blues: Top stars support strike for better wages
(Entertainment/Entertainment)

... handle lighting get paid only about Rs.500 for long days, without any overtime pay or any benefits. "All shoots are off," said Dinesh Chaturvedi, general secretary of the Federation of Western India ...

19. Sonia-Shivraj: A Love Story
(Editorial/Editorial)

... of Pratibha Patil who was at that time an unknown, lightweight, long-forgotten non-entity. Of all the candidates in running, why did Sonia have to choose someone who was not on anyone's radar screen, ...

20. Bush declares War on Capitalism
(World/World)

... in his last few months in office, has opened a new front in his relentless drive against enemies of mankind. Last night, in a prime-time televised speech seeking public support for his $700-billion Wall-Street ...