Onion Uttapam : India's Leading Satire Daily

1. Hollywood studios reject 'Pirates of Somalia' movie proposal, allege filmmakers
(World/World)

... Vebrinski, "Vessels from France, Spain, Japan, South Korea, Taiwan, Egypt, Kenya, Pakistan, Saudi Arabia, Sri Lanka, Yemen, Belize and Honduras exploit Somalia's fish stocks with virtual impunity. It ...

2. Obamessiah to usher in a Golden Age
(World/World)

... politics, financial crisis, stock market meltdown and fears of another great depression. Under this operation, artists from all over the world will be hired to compose and sing obamantra - 'Yes We Can' ...

3. Mad Cow disease outbreak in quarters of India Inc
(Business/Business)

... the captains of the industry. The stock market meltdown has hit us heard but the industry bosses are still in a denial mode, they still think India is insulated; actually it is very hard for them to think ...

4. What experts say: Panic!
(Business/Business)

... only one thing we can do in times like these: give up all hope and devolve into maniacal bouts of uncontrolled hysteria. "For those of you who have remained resolute in your belief that stock markets ...

5. The Confessions of a Finance Professional
(Business/Business)

... the rise or fall in stock markets. And for the past six months we have first suggested resistance to NSE at 5,800, then at 5,400, then at 4,800, subsequently at 4,400. In the process we had encouraged ...

6. MNC Launches Another Product We Dont Care About
(Business/Business)

... dollar research into the comparative efficacy of detergents, makes possible those unlimited entertainment allowances of paunchy management executives and fuels stock market booms which makes millionaires ...

7. 'Lets Eat The Chinese Tonight'
(Editorial/Editorial)

... of Nazi-like, in-your-face vegans and vegetarians. Like deranged street prophets, they spout all kinds of nonsense about speciesism, the suffering of sentient beings, animal rights, compassion for livestock ...

8. What Wrong did I do ?
(National/National)

... and it was handled rather adeprly by comrade Mukherjee Then suddenly something went wrong. Stock market crashed, the much publicized nuclear treaty which I had thought would make me a statesman let ...

9. Drive-by Charity
(Editorial/Editorial)

... my nagging suspicion that this was the road where despite the frenetic pace with which stocks were sold and celluloid dreams laid waste a billion fantasies of Raakhi Sawant in grunted ejaculate, Bombay ...

10. Sensex Falls On Paanwala Earnings Fear
(Business/Business)

Billions of rupees are being wiped out from Indian stock market today on fears that Paanwalas all over the country are making losses. All the major stock indices are in the red and losing further ground ...

11. Small Investors should remain calm and not panic, brokers advise
(Business/Business)

... the markets. Leave the panic to professionals like us who are trained to handle sharp downturns and who panic only when the situation calls for panic" said Mr. Gujral "Stock market crashes come in ...

12. Indian Muslim - 2
(People/Life/People/Life)

... claims that he is a direct descendent of the Prophet or Companions of Prophets or early Khalifas or the Rashidun or of stock from the Turk or Mughal or Afghan or Arian or Early Converts or First One to ...

13. It's Mumbai Dude, not Bumbai.....
(National/National)

... supporter,"Mumbai is what we live in" another one chirped in. So from now on ask taxi wallah to drop you off to Mumbai Stock Exchange and dream of sending your children to Mumbai Scottish school.  ...

14. The Satirical Guide to the Indian Stock Market
(Business/Business)

INTRODUCTION Stocks. Ask an investor. You cant live with them. You cant live without them. You can love them. You can hate them yet you cant ignore them. Especially if you happen to be an investor in ...

15. Times of India Group Unveils "Wealthex"
(Business/Business)

... of wealth lost by India's richest during stock market crashes. We were surprised to see that such articles registered abnormally higher number of hits in comparison to our regular articles and news stories, ...

16. Worm in the Apple
(Editorial/Editorial)

In a stunning development, akin to a double smack in wrestling, Hillary the forlorn Presidential hopeful in a last ditch attempt to knock-out Obama warned Iran that should it decide to attack Israel, ...

17. Bird Flu: The new WMD
(World/World)

... hospital and millions would die in the first wave. The government has laid in stocks of 14.6m courses of Tamiflu, one of two known medicines capable of combating H5N1. Security experts are pretty sure ...

18. Researchers discover two new behavioral syndromes
(Science/Science)

... held at New Delhi, Dr. Paranjpe disclosed that they have found a behavioral trait amongst people that is somewhat similar to the 'Stockholm Syndrome', a syndrome in which hostages of abductions display ...

19. TCS liberates 500 wage slaves
(Business/Business)

... the company's shareholders. The price of TCS stock has jumped up by nearly 20% percent from its recent 52 week low of Rs.725 despite the recent meltdown in stock markets. The 500 freed workers who were ...

20. Benam Bottlewala's predictions for 2008
(People/Life/People/Life)

Disasters, deaths, births, marriages, divorces, earthquakes, floods, stock market rise and crash -- those are some of the amazing events in store for India in 2008, as predicted by India's foremost astrologer, ...