Onion Uttapam : India's Leading Satire Daily

1. Mum's the word
(Sports/Sports)

... me when I say that it is quite enjoyable watching players give one and other a bit of ‘lip’ during matches. No, the said term has nothing to do with exchanging saliva or pecking orders. It’s just a very ...

2. M-Seal offers to sponsor BCCI Selection Committee meetings
(Sports/Sports)

... anything cricket attracts in this entertainment-starved country. They swiftly and surreptitiously contacted the said selector to find out whether the committee would henceforth like to televise their closed-door ...

3. Rahul Mahajunk: I'm qualified to become India's Bigg Boss
(People/Life/People/Life)

... I'm good at making promises that I don't intend to keep." said Rahul with a twinkle in his eye. "I'm very good at laundering and as a politician I'll wash clean the country" laughed the prodigal son of ...

4. Oxford-Webster dictionaries to redefine the word 'terrorist'
(World/World)

... scope in view of general public sentiments. Michael Palin, publisher of Oxford English Dictionary said that in the next edition of Oxford Dictionary the word 'terrorist' would be defined as 'a Muslim ...

5. This man has no pulse-Part One
(Editorial/Editorial)

... minute my pal said clot, I sort of cut down on my ciggis during the Teacher's sinking and smoked only one. Fear is a powerful transmitter and his fear was received. Now all through my life me hasnt been ...

6. Stunned by serial condemnations, terrorists vow to stop serial blasts
(National/National)

... its ugly face once again in our country and we should unitedly combat this menace in a sustained and comprehensive manner," she said. Home Minister Shivraj Patil too joined Sonia Gandhi in condemning ...

7. Prices of turmeric and milk go through the roof in India!!!
(Sports/Sports)

... of these two essential commodities said they were planning to talk to Sachin about his consumption patterns soon. When asked ‘How soon?’, they said as soon as they were sent their ‘Free passes’ for the ...

8. What experts say: Panic!
(Business/Business)

... and gentle sobbing. Early reactions to experts call for full-blown panic have been quite positive. Many investors said that they appreciate the frank advice and will try getting into panic mode as soon ...

9. Bullshit Alert!
(World/World)

... to running out of bullshit. Scientist and leading peak bullshit proponent, Robert Matthew, said that every year politicians are using up exponential amounts of bullshit, a trend that began in earnest ...

10. One Hundred years of Celibacy
(People/Life/People/Life)

A British woman who celebrated her 105th birthday this week said the secret to long life was celibacy, adding that she imagined sex was a "lot of hassle." Clara Meadmore, who marked her birthday with a ...

11. Bollywood feels the Blues: Top stars support strike for better wages
(Entertainment/Entertainment)

... handle lighting get paid only about Rs.500 for long days, without any overtime pay or any benefits. "All shoots are off," said Dinesh Chaturvedi, general secretary of the Federation of Western India ...

12. Bush declares War on Capitalism
(World/World)

... our inaction would wipe out banks, empty retirement nests, send home values into freefall, and create millions of new jobless. We must not let capitalism ruin US economy" said Bush. But unlike his ...

13. Virgin Auction
(People/Life/People/Life)

... . . I felt nervous and scared," she said. How much pleasure can a man get from sex with such a woman? Dylan's venture exposes her (and society's) naive attitude about sex. If a man's satisfaction were ...

14. SaturnicShip-One
(World/World)

... smirking glum look on all his seven faces as he cast his fourteen eyes at the gathering and said, "S[h]it, stand or gawk but I swear on all the croc-morphs, that all of you shall contribute to this laconic ...

15. The Confessions of a Finance Professional
(Business/Business)

... For the former we would predict the depreciation of the dollar, for the latter, the appreciation of the dollar. Who said cheese for the goose is cheese for the gander? If we find a non-finance professional ...

16. Eco-Terrorism
(Editorial/Editorial)

... million people. Where? In Gujarat. But why was it stopped? All because one eco-terrorist embedded in India said, "It would change the path of the river, kill little creatures along its banks and uproot ...

17. Shilpa Shetty Gets A Diverse Award
(Entertainment/Entertainment)

... showed when she faced the racist remarks at the Big Brother television show. "I dedicate this award to my mother who taught me to handle every adverse situation in life with poise and dignity" said ...

18. Kissa Kursi Ka
(National/National)

... who know Sonia G well claim that she is not one to forget perceived slights in a hurry, after all said and done, she is a woman. But will she forget for the sake of her party is a million dollar question. ...

19. MNC Launches Another Product We Dont Care About
(Business/Business)

... I am looking forward to one rupee discounts which I'm sure the company would offer in the future to help me not overshoot my monthly budget and ensure my dedicated loyalty to the brand." said an excited ...

20. 123-The Indian Reality show
(National/National)

... safeguards protocol with the International Atomic Energy Agency (IAEA) will put the 123 agreement with Washington on auto pilot mode, the Left sources said. But the Government is keen on finalizing ...