Onion Uttapam : India's Leading Satire Daily

Friday
Jul 30th
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... youth, but will it create suitable jobs for them too? Without jobs, compulsory education will only create surplus manpower that will rot like wheat in our warehouses." "It is my ministry which will ...
22. Cigarette Berates Man, Humankind
(People/Life/People/Life)
... You torture and kill billions of us everyday by applying fire to our heads and then sucking the life out of us through our butts. Do you know how disgusting that is? It sounds like something out of a depraved ...
...  drug-smuggling, prostitution etc by several times and diversified into many newer areas like providing material and logistic support to international terrorist groups." The lawyer asked the jury, "Should ...
... free to use inverters or generators just like they do during several Earth Hours that they have been observing every day for several decades. The reason Government has decided to support Earth Hour ...
... phrases like 'rolling in grave' refuse to die and continue to be used in India where bodies of 83.45 percent of the dead are burnt to ashes and never get to see graves, we shall imagine that he is rolling ...
... “What the hell is this? We’ve already placed this order and spent all our foreign exchange reserves. What the hell do we do now? Like idiots, we paid 100% as advance. This is bad. We could have easily ...
... his magic in his country replete with massive problems like ballooning deficits, record debt levels, bust in housing market, increasing unemployment and a long recession that is threatening to turn ...
... “Unlike Central Government, it isn't our habit to blame foreign hand for all our problems. We blame all our problems on Rahul Gandhi. Rahul Gandhi is trying to make Uttar Pradesh once again the fiefdom ...
... our neighbouring states and rats of states from faraway states like Orissa, Madhya Pradesh, Maharashtra or Andhra Pradesh. While our Punjabi rats look healthy, plump and overfed, many millions of rats ...
... Thousands of BSP men went on a rampage destroying statues of other Indian leaders like Gandhi, Nehru, Subhash Chandra Bose etc on instructions from Mayawati, who according to reports, has issued a directive ...
31. Waiting For My 33% Valentine
(Opinion/Editorial)
...  we always shared everything right down to the bill. Nowadays it is not like that. Is it my imagination or is it that she is actually doing it? I mean, whether it’s Chicken Wings fry or beer to go along ...
... and everything in between. Recently, they walked out 16 times in a single day over the Women’s Bill. We swooped in today after they walked out over…….food prices or petrol prices or something like that.” ...
... female aspirants who want to become MP/MLA in their own handwriting) Section 1. Personal irrelevant details: Name (as you would like it to ...
... she’s old) as the face of India. We should encourage women like Nicolette Bird to join politics. “See. These are the evil intentions of the present UPA government. Laloo and I were right all the time ...
... replied, ”Let me put it this way. Cricket Australia is the Apple Inc of cricket. We invented quite a few groundbreaking things to enhance our position in the market, while BCCI acted like Microsoft by ...
... mating. But due to my laziness in painting her with clothes and my general incompetence, it looks like Durga is having  intercourse with a two-headed tiger." Moving on to the controversial painting ...
... ka statue sthapit karengee” From Kolkota, West Bengal, Arnab Sengupta cried like a child, “ Ash it ish thet Mamata ish beginning to shriek and rant, now oal the wemen will never listen to ush malesh” ...
... shut. With media using the footage of my experiments for ridiculing me, the Indian blogosphere erupted with Nityananda jokes. Unlike America, where only professional comedians were allowed to crack ...
39. Nithya-ananda: Forever Blissed
(National/National)
... that rich, bored women have enough of curiosity to first become my devotees and then I wait like the spider in its parlor for them to make the first move. They are curious about my widely proclaimed vows ...
... stick is like a magic wand. And if we are not allowed to weave magic like Dhyaan Chandji, then what is the fun of seeing speed, strength and stamina only? The ISI chaps do not want to see our magical skills ...