Onion Uttapam : India's Leading Satire Daily

1. Shilpa Shetty Gets A Diverse Award
(Entertainment/Entertainment)

... clashing swords with Jade Goody and Danielle Lloyd, two low-grade white trash. According to the organizers of the award, she has been granted this award for 'showing restraint and handling racist remarks ...

2. Hypocratic Oath
(Science/Science)

I swear by Apollo Physician and Asclepius and Hygieia and Panaceia and all the gods and goddesses, making them my witnesses, that I will fulfil according to my inability and mis-judgment this oath and ...

3. 123-The Indian Reality show
(National/National)

... the responsibility of getting the 123 treaty passed on the floor of the Peoples' Darbar to each other. According to the Left the treaty is anti-national and would place India's nuclear reactors under ...

4. Indian Scientists Debate: Is "Flying Spaghetti Monster" for real?
(Science/Science)

... of all the matter of the universe and yet also being the generators, operators and destroyers of the universe. According to these screwballs, the tiny, undetectable “strings” that make up all matter, ...

5. Marathi American
(National/National)

... of terrorism in today's world. It is not Hindus fight against Muslims. It is the fight of all other religions against the religion of terror." added the spokesperson. According to our sources in ...

6. Balaji Telefilms soap KGGK to go off air after failing to cash on Arushi Murder Case
(Entertainment/Entertainment)

... with this case have conspired against me" added Ekta Kapoor. According to industry insiders, with the lines between entertainment and news channels blurring further, in the coming days more soaps would suffer ...

7. Litter-ate India: We dont need no "educational exercise"
(National/National)

... became fashionable in western scientific circles, we had not only understood the principles behind this theory but also decided to apply them in our lives to appreciate the theory better. According ...

8. Study shows that people who write are better at writing
(Science/Science)

A new study carried out by researchers at Batlimore University has revealed a startling link between writing frequently and better writing skills. According to the study those who blog often are better ...

9. Sensex Falls On Paanwala Earnings Fear
(Business/Business)

... on the matter, unable to come to terms with the fact that their prediction of long-running bull market has not come true and unwilling to accept that we are finally in a bear market. According to one ...

10. Uncontacted Amazon tribe reports its closest-ever UFO sighting
(World/World)

... Witnesses of the UFO said that they saw a giant metal bird with wings on both sides flying just 500 meters over the ground.   According to one of the witnesses, the metallic bird was moving from west ...

11. CIA: Shhh..Bogeyman Osama is hiding on your roof
(World/World)

Bush's favorite bogeyman Osama bin Laden is now hiding on the "rooftop of our world" (the Karakoram section of the Himalayan range along Pakistan's borders with Afghanistan and China), according to a media ...

12. Feb Wedding, May Consumnation.
(National/National)

... Amma's embrace. Sobbing happily he further said that, "According to legend, this, Amrithaghateswara Temple, was the place where Lord Shiva rescued his devotee Markandeya when the god of death Yama came ...

13. Chattisgarh - 36 pieces
(Editorial/Editorial)

... state within a state collects tax and conducts trials as a first step in their ultimate goal of overturning capitalist India. According to Manmohan Singh the rebels are a “virus” and the biggest single ...

14. Chinese Speak: Tibetans cause for our woes
(Editorial/Editorial)

... to learn from a few Tibetan monasteries under the current Chinese rule is extremely alarming and fascinating. According to these tourists remote viewers are seeing world powers in the course of self-destruction. ...

15. Fat Scientist Debunks Obesity-Global Warming Link
(Science/Science)

...  According to Dr. Moore, the study carried by Phil Edwards and his team is unscientific, highly flawed and ignores many vital factors that if taken into account would negate the results of their study. ...

16. Warne: In Australia there is no danger of accidental death
(Sports/Sports)

... according to media reports. Rajasthan Royals' Warne, Watson, Smith and team manager Darren Berry - now holidaying in Goa - are very scared after the incident and are refusing to return to Jaipur. They ...

17. Humour-challenged Amitabh Bachchan Threatens Satire Writer
(Entertainment/Entertainment)

... sources say that Shahrukh Khan has retorted to his gloating over poor TRP ratings of "Paanchvi Paas" by inviting him to participate in the show and help improve its ratings. According to our sources, ...

18. Alliance of Drunks
(National/National)

... per cent. If we don't, the chances are just 70 per cent according to some opinion polls. What do you think?. Karunanidhi, the Grandad of TN politics remarked, in a lighter vein, that, " The filmstar turned ...

19. Slapping yet to catch on with Indians, despite Ekta Kapoor & Bhajji's efforts
(National/National)

... trigger some neural pathway in his brain leading to the scandalous slap? According to our sources, Harbhajan is truly baffled at the hue and cry raised over the slapping incident and unable to ...

20. Rising Food Prices To Make Obesity Fashionable
(World/World)

... enable them to show-off their water-melon shaped bellies and thunder thighs According to Rohit Bal, Delhi-based fashion designer "In the coming times, flat bellies would be seen as sign of food deprivation ...