Judge turns scientist, discovers a new sub-human race

Monday, 02 February 2009 11:47

Written by essbee, onion uttapam news

Naming this special gene as 'human' gene, the learned judge said, "This exceptional gene has the extraordinary ability to detect 'innocent' or 'guilty' levels of every human that it comes in contact with during its encounters with other humans. Upon detecting a fellow human as positively 'innocent', the gene acts very quickly and sends a very strong signal to the brain instructing it to not entertain any thoughts of killing the human being that it has identified as an 'innocent' human."

"This extraordinary gene is responsible for humans being different and superior to all other sub-human and animal species. Because of the special traits of this gene, human race has emerged as the most non-violent and peaceful of all animal species on this planet. Thanks to the 'human' gene, we are also the only specie on earth that doesn't kill members of its own species." claimed Justice Pisayal to a resounding applause from the gathering of distinguished judges-turned-biologists.

Justice Pisayal said that terrorism and all other forms of violence prevalent in our society are primarily due to contamination of human society with animals or animal-type races that look like humans but are actually sub-humans due to the absence of 'human' gene in their genetic makeup.

"If human race has to survive in future, we need to identify all sub-humans deceptively hiding within our society by cohabiting with normal humans, dehumanise them by classifying them as animals, strip them off all the legal rights provided to them mistakenly by our constitution, cull them and make their flesh available for human consumption" added the judge.

While Pisayal's research was welcomed by most of his peers in the judiciary and also by the distinguished illuminati gathered at the seminar, Indian Institute of Science, India's top science institute, dismissed his findings as unscientific, flawed and featherbrained. "Humans have been killing each other for thousands of years. Thousands of highly respected and distinguished humans, many of whom are celebrated as 'heroes' in history books, have killed or maimed millions of innocent people in pursuit of power and glory. In fact, killing innocent people is probably world's second, third or fourth oldest profession" read a statement issued by the institute decrying the claims made by Justice Pisayal.      

PETA India's chief functionary Anuradha Sawhney reacted to the judge's comments with scorn and derision. "The learned judge needs to unlearn some of his nonsensical assumptions about animals. Unlike humans, animals rarely kill their own species. In fact, humans need whatever special gene that animals have which blocks them from hunting down and killing members of their own species"

Corporate honchos Anil Ambani and Sunil Mittal who were recently in news for demanding that Narendra Modi should be made Prime Minister of the country too didn't concur with the findings of the judge. Anil Ambani said, "Killing innocent people is too broad a framework to identify a person as a sub-human. If the findings of the judge are accepted as scientific fact, Narendrabhai's detractors would use the state-sponsored pogrom in Gujarat as an excuse to classify him as a sub-human. I suspect that the statements of the judge are a part of an insidious conspiracy by secularists to debar Modi from leading the country in the near future."

Preity Zinta who had showered praise on Narendra Modi and expressed desire to see him as India's Prime Minister, disapproved of the remarks made by Justice Pisayal. "Look at how Modi has developed Gujarat. Despite being responsible for killing innocent people, he has done a lot of good for his state. If he lacks human gene, how could he have administered Gujarat so well?"

But according to some of the supporters of the judge, those who are flaying the scientific findings of Justice Pisayal have not fully understood the methodology of his research and are being very hasty in denouncing his well-researched discovery of a sub-human race lacking 'human' gene.

"Those who are complaining that 'killing innocent people' is too broad a parameter to classify someone who has killed innocent people as not human, are overlooking the subjective element present in the identification process by the 'human' gene. They fail to realize that the word 'innocent' is a subjective word open to various interpretations. If we narrow down the interpretation of the word 'innocent' to include only us or people like us and killing of innocent people to only include only killings done by Islamic or Pakistani terrorists, it would give the Modis, Bushes & Cheneys of the world an escape route to avoid being branded as sub-humans on par with Islamic terrorists." said Solicitor General M E Bhanbatii who was present at the seminar.

"For the purpose of classifying only a certain group of people as sub-humans, say for example,  terrorists, we can assume that this group of people kills innocent people due to lack of 'human' gene, while for the rest of humans who also kill innocent humans through wars, communal rioting and other such horrors, we can assume that while they do have the 'human' gene, it unfortunately interprets their victims subjectively as 'guilty' even when they are not guilty of any crime."  added Bhanbatti.

Comments (0)

Name

Email

Website

Comment

smaller | bigger

Add Comment