The life and times of Mayawati

He is probably one of the most notorious politicians in the country, but his story is one of the most awe inspiring journeys that one can aspire to have.  From a town in Uttar Pradesh to the corridors of Sonia Gandhi’s temporary home,  the journey of this short man is the symbol of struggle and victory against all odds.

Mayawati Kumar, 54, (who was recently voted as the most eligible bachelor in U.P) has seen it all and done it all. He became the youngest Chief Minister of Uttar Pradesh in 1995 after he bought himself the trust of the Dalit community. Even more awe inspiring is the fact that he is the first Dalit to become the Chief Minister of any state in the country.

smilingmayaEveryone in his hometown of Bulandshahr is proud of their “Son of the soil”. “He was a quiet little fat boy who never really interacted with anyone” said one of her school teachers. “He wasn’t the best student though. Some of the kids made fun of him, calling him a ‘Dull-it’. Of course, he never got past the third grade and had to quit school soon after. But I’m proud that a student of ours has managed to snag the top post in the state.” said the proud teacher.

While we listened to her teacher, we could not help but be amazed at how Mayawati overcame ridicule and discrimination and proved everyone wrong. “He was suffering from elephantiasis, the horrible disease. What made it worse was that he had elephantiasis in his face. This, coupled with his low caste nature made his life hell in the 7 years that he spent in third grade. I guess that explains why he chose an elephant to symbolise his party.” continued the teacher.

“He was one of the finest politician students that we had. He was very polite and courteous when he threatened to have my wife and kids chopped to little pieces if I did not give him a degree.” said a professor from his alma mater, Kalindi College Delhi, who is still undergoing trauma therapy.

Political life is always hard. The satisficing decisions that one has to make rarely find consensus. One of the difficult decisions Mayawati had to make was a classic Schools-or-Statues problem (modeled on the Guns or Butter problem in Economics). He faced massive garlandopposition when he chose to construct 2000 statues of himself instead of 200 schools, but he overcame that with “faith and will power”. Another difficult decision he had to make was to choose whether to use Rs.175 crores develop the area around Taj Mahal or blow it up on a Birthday bash. Needless to say, he made the right choice.

Opposition was always stiff in Uttar Pradesh and Mayawati is perpetually in a turf war with Mrs. Amar Singh and Mulayam Singh Yadav. The war came to a tame close in 2007 when Mayawati bitchslapped Mrs. Amar Singh to a life of worthlessness in his bid to become King of U.P. His electoral landslide in 2007 meant that he finally got a massive foot in in New Delhi and it’s only a matter of time before he becomes the 14th Male Prime Minister of the country.

Another tough decision was made just yesterday, when Mayawati had to choose between making a garland that had Rs. 5 crore worth of Rs. 1000 notes in it, or spend that money on better infrastructure. True to his benevolent nature, he chose the garland. He now plans to string together 56 elephants, hunted from all over the world and place them around his neck.

Comments (13)add comment
0
ravi sekar: ...
not happening boss. a desperate but sour attempt
1

March 17, 2010
0
Firoz Khan: ...
very very nice...... thnx
2

March 17, 2010
0
nunnur: ...
one mistake... you used "her" in the line.. "while we listened to her teacher.." elementary my dear watson!
3

March 17, 2010
@ Nunnur: well done! i put that in intentionally to see if someone would find it smilies/wink.gif
4

March 17, 2010
ankuragrawal
ankuragrawal: ...
y have u used her teacher more dan once????????? smilies/angry.gif smilies/shocked.gif
5

March 22, 2010
ankuragrawal
ankuragrawal: ...
ohkk...i ve read d comments smilies/grin.gif
6

March 22, 2010
ankuragrawal
ankuragrawal: ...
nyc post
7

March 22, 2010
ankuragrawal
ankuragrawal: ...
What made it worse was that he had elephantiasis in his face...rofl smilies/grin.gif
8

March 22, 2010
0
editor guy: ...
Good to see that our readers don't just skim through our stories. I'm proud of you guys.. :--) @nunnur @ankuragarwal
9

March 22, 2010
gypsy
gypsy: ...
very clever haha..... Kumar(i) would not have been considered 'an eligible bachelorette' at 54.
one question - how is a garland of money more feudal than some other politicians weighing themselves in silver bricks or whatever! smilies/tongue.gif
10

March 22, 2010
essbee
editor guy: ...
Not more feudal, not even more comic. We will definitely do a story on the next asshole that weighs himself/herself in gold or silver bricks..@gypsy
11

March 22, 2010
gypsy
gypsy: ...
good to know @ editor guy
12

March 24, 2010
essbee
Twitter Trackback: ... http://bit.ly/info/cwQnJa
craniumbolts RT @jhunjhunwala: Folks,Check this out.Superb Satire by @onionuttapam on Mayawati http://bit.ly/aMuzal
subirxs The life and times of #Mayawati http://onionuttapam.com/people...awati.html
nitishmitta lRT @onionuttapam: #newpost The life and times of Mayawati http://bit.ly/cwQnJa
philiptiju RT @jhunjhunwala: Folks,Check this out.Superb Satire by @onionuttapam on Mayawati http://bit.ly/aMuzal
sunilganesh Very good RT @jhunjhunwala: Folks,Check this out.Superb Satire by @onionuttapam on Mayawati http://bit.ly/aMuzal
achyuth29 RT @jhunjhunwala: Folks,Check this out.Superb Satire by @onionuttapam on Mayawati http://bit.ly/aMuzal
jjjjjjoy RT @Jhunjhunwala: Folks,Check this out.Superb Satire by @onionuttapam on Mayawati http://bit.ly/aMuzal
truptilahiri http://onionuttapam.com/people...awati.html LOL. Good take on Mayawati
bombayblah RT @Jhunjhunwala: Folks,Check this out.Superb Satire by @onionuttapam on Mayawati http://bit.ly/aMuzal
Mysterious_I RT @jhunjhunwala: Folks,Check this out.Superb Satire by @onionuttapam on Mayawati http://bit.ly/aMuzal
SwamiFraudAnand RT @jhunjhunwala: Folks,Check this out.Superb Satire by @onionuttapam on Mayawati http://bit.ly/aMuzal
msridhark RT @jhunjhunwala Folks,Check this out.Superb Satire by @onionuttapam on Mayawati http://bit.ly/aMuzal
ameenmaj RT @jhunjhunwala: Folks,Check this out.Superb Satire by @onionuttapam on Mayawati http://bit.ly/aMuzal
divyakala RT @jhunjhunwala: Folks,Check this out.Superb Satire by @onionuttapam on Mayawati http://bit.ly/aMuzal
jhunjhunwala Folks,Check this out.Superb Satire by @onionuttapam on Mayawati http://bit.ly/aMuzal
RjKshitijRT @onionuttapam: #newpost The life and times of Mayawati http://bit.ly/cwQnJa
Royd3n The life and times of Mayawati http://bit.ly/aMuzal #MustRead
ashwinsanghi Still laughing. A must-read for Mayawati fans. RT @onionuttapam: #newpost The life and times of Mayawati http://bit.ly/cwQnJa
vishupuri Who came up with the garland idea newayRT: @onionuttapam: #newpost The life and times of Mayawati http://bit.ly/cwQnJa
13

March 29, 2010

Write comment

busy

Statistics

Members : 3732
Content : 434

Who's Online

We have 7 guests online

Subscribe to RSS

rss

Email subscription

Enter your email address:

Latest Comment

Steve Jobs tired of stupid iPa
But the women in our marketing team have brains, you know. They are not stupid like those nitwit teens on facebook who post the colors of their bras
Hindustan Unilever launches de
Hello Sir, Me and my friend started job work for detergents in Jalandhar(PUNJAB). We want to grow our work, can u deal with us and start to give us j
SRK look-alike looks like anot
Correction: The KKK-Kiran tagline is from the film Darr and not Baazigar
IndiaTV discovers why Bakhtiya
Bakhtiyar Irani, Fuck you, you better leave this country or i will kick yr ass big time, u ass u don't knw hw to act with women, if i wud hv in place
Ambanis, NTPC, Petroleum Minis
fuck you both the ambanis. this is national wealth and this should belong to the people of India. why should just u2 benfit? one day the people wil
A wonderful victory for Neo-li
fuck you janardhan reddy fuck you sriramulu. u spent 20 crores on your son's wedding? what the fuck
A wonderful victory for Neo-li
lets revolt join me at twitter @indian_revolt lets put these corrupt politicians in jail
Follow us on Twitter