Onion Uttapam : India's Leading Satire Daily

June's Vanity Fair has hit the stands with a steamy profile written by Purdum T dropping broad hints that the 42nd President, the Horny Dog in Chief, has lost his marbles rather than the hard which was supposed to have been pushed into a corner by his retirement from active participant to a mere passive role that included keeping up a steady supply of batteries in hand while Hillary and her aide were having a go and Monica was doing the usual.That and his heart condition forced him to lie on his back rather than, him kneeling, having black forest cream pie or standing up and spraying cream all over. Rumours abound that, having lost her whining bid for the nomination for the world's most sought after, yet despised position, Hillary is considering to put an end to it because it has all gone horribly wrong.

It went wrong from the moment Chelsea was born, that is about 25 years back, give or take a few. The juice in their marriage simply went out as Hillary was bitten by the Rockefeller bug which makes women go out and work as slaves at a cheaper wage. That bug is called feminism and has Malthusian, Darwinian and a few other strains.

The deal was that Bill would appear to wear the apron in public and Hillary the pants as she took her shot at that crazy room called the Oval, a fucking rotten egg one of all shapes, which was a subtle hint to the world that in fact America was actually run by the clefts, since inception and reinforcing the unspoken and non-utterable truth that ever since Eve came into being courtesy Adam's rib, she used the pillow talk to her advantage and Bill was no exception. When he invited Monica for a hard spray, Hillary wanted in too. Monica was obviously thrilled at the service she got. But Bill was not amused when Hillary used a battery run-out and allowed the cream spray to be washed out in public. Like all men, he bided his time. And Hillary too, for his apparent political potency. Little did she know that Bill would have fun after his official term.

In an apparent bid to keep him in check, Hillary moved into a building where Splitsville blood-suckers, hands rubbing in mournful glee operated and by day went for the jugular in the presence of a black-robed idiot in a court of matrimonial harmonic discord and by night cackle at the pile of money, steamy tidbits et al!! Bill went on a spree, sorry spray, unlike other men, when his moneyed buddies looked the other way as he comandeered their jets in snorted sneer with Monica presiding over the proceedings as Chief Whip.

Now Purdum T was a bit annoyed at being cleft out, oops, left out, married as he is to Dee Dee Myers a former Bill aide of the outside circle. Hmm, talk of jilted babes. So he, Purdum T usurped the 21st century's role of Cassius and turned the knife in Bill's back by speaking to a select few, including us, and let his angst show at being left out. As an 'in-sider' he has let it be known to Bill, the Caesar, that its time-up not time-out. The reason? Oh, the apparently self-centred Americans who once loved Bill for what they couldnt do to Monica as they dreamed but found out that he wasnt erect enough  to rise above through all that venality that they had presumed, for he made oodles of dollars on his tour of immoral lectures.

On the campaign trail, that Hillary has now lost, Bill stood by her side and when his snorted libido became too much he went all the way to Africa on no less than a Wall street moneyed playboy's jet, named Epstein J with Park Avenue's just initiated while Epstein J himself faced charges for their abuse. Sweet irony? Naaa. That's the way the idiotic Americans work. Bet on a candidate, both short-term and long-term, and hedge them bets by providing service.

So what happened now? Nothing, except that the leeches who left Hillary in a mounting debt are now advising Splitsville notwithstanding Bill's policy of  discrmination against colour when it came to warming up his bed. Black was no bar. That was his erect position but Hillary lost.

And she, who had prevailed against Jenkins Jo M, a long time back with her thundering thighs as she quaveringly made her case, appears to have reconciled that, finally, her Hamletian tragedy of the dilemna will find satiation on the Boards of Broad-Way, eventually climaxing in Splitesville wth a bored black-robed presiding and signing her last fling of her ambitious 2012 campaign evoking much laughter. That she should have still not learnt is that it was not Bill's shooting his bolt into every crevice but hers, will remain a mystery to us but not her aide.

Such are the scheming plans of a few cleft who in the end are left bereft!!

Comments (2)

bigstoner said:

Jeffrey Epstein (pictured), the US billionaire pal of Prince Andrew and Bill Clinton, has received an 18-month jail sentence – to be followed by a year of house arrest – after being found guilty of soliciting under-age girls in Florida. The 55-year-old financier, who started life as a humble Brooklyn maths teacher and went on to advise a raft of PSHNW's (People of Super High Net Worth), was arrested two years ago after allegedly paying several girls under the age of 18 between $200 and $300 each in return for naked massages at his Palm Beach home. These sessions sometimes led to sex. But while prison is likely to be a shock, the matter will not end there. In addition to being placed on the sex offenders' list, Epstein also faces multi-million-dollar lawsuits in state and federal courts filed by several women over similar allegations. It remains to be seen whether his friends will rally around him. Epstein, a bachelor who also has homes in New York, New Mexico and London, as well as a private island in St Thomas, had been on good terms with Bill Clinton – he lent him his personal Boeing 727 jet for an African trip in 2002 – and the Duke of York, who holidayed with him in Thailand. Another chum, Donald Trump, once described Epstein as a "terrific guy" and told New York Magazine that he "likes beautiful women as much as I do, and many of them are on the younger side. No doubt about it - Jeffrey enjoys his social life." No longer.

report abuse vote down vote up

July 01, 2008
Votes: +0

ragamuffin said:

	Religion and Politics make strange bedfellows.However it seems that Political alliances without any gender bias are the call of the day
	report abuse vote down vote up

June 15, 2008
Votes: +0

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