For this special feature on Valentine’s Day which has spread its insidious tentacles all over the world thanks to the MNCs making their global footprints bigger in pursuit of  bigger and healthier bottom lines we commissioned our correspondents to spread right across the country and move away from the Metros and Tier-2 cities. So when our intrepid reporter from the South took us literally at our diktat and traveled westwards from the Temple City aka Kadavul-Maanagaram she took a chai-break at Andipatti situated on the National Highway to Cochin. We present excerpts from her ill-advised caper.

“Vanakkam, Ayya!”

“Vanakkam, ma!”

“(Sipping her chai) I notice that you have decorated your shop with heart-shaped balloons and all your milk-based sweets are heart-shaped too. Why?”

“(Leering at her navel-displaying denim jeans) As if you don’t know. Tomorrow is Vaalantyne’s Day, don’t you know?”

“Of course, I know, my boy friend is taking me to Kodaikanal for lunch. (Waving at a passing girl in well-oiled double-plaited-jasmine-adorned-hair) What do the teens here at Andipatti do on Valentine’s?”

“Oh! Most of them have given me their cellphone nos: with matching names and when any Eve shows up with the right combo, I am supposed to give her a ‘rubber’ and 250gms of any sweet of her choice. And a free red rose.”

“That’s good. But, how about payment and what’s with the  ‘rubber’?”

“I charge Rs.300 flat payable 100% in advance and the service is open from 8am to 8pm and no refunds. Some Eves have multiple admirers. He-he. (Becoming serious and in sotto voce) Rubber because we don’t want too many Chaacha Nehrus’, no?”

“(Double Take) Nehru? Oh! I get it, Nov 14^th, eh? He-he. But who places these orders?”

“Ah! All those working in the Hi-Tech Textile Park seem to be rich enough to afford my charges.”

“Any problems from the Town Elders?”

“In the beginning, a few years back a few couples were tied to that Neem-tree over there and thrashed. Two of them died subsequently and their bodies were thrown into the Vaigai River and the matter was hushed up.”

“Are you the only shop that caters to these teens?”

“I had a few competitors until last year but then I dissuaded them from the idea this year”.

“How did you manage to pull it off, Ayya?”

“Oh! I just chopped off the ear lobes of a few and made them my Franchisees, He-he. I have learnt from the MNCs, you know!! This year’s business has not been good though.( Sigh)”

“And why so?”

“Most of the units in the Textile Park are working on one shift and so the Romeos have hatched a plan that has hit my bottom line and make the roses wilt.”

“So sad for the roses but what’s their plan?”

“Oh! The smarties are using group packages. So, a group walks in and one of the Eves recites the combo and they divide the 250gms”.

“But what about the free rose and the ‘rubber’?”

“(Winks) They call me Anna and give it back to me.”

“Any ideas to go around the group packages?”

“Yes, I tried to lower my charges but it didn’t pan out.”

“So sad for you, Anna!!”

“(Pulling out an aruval - a machete )How dare you call me Anna? You will be my Valentine this year. Ha.”

Last we heard, our reporter was making heart-shaped sweets for Muniyaandi and sending SMSes to our Mumbai Office and we are in talks with Raj and Udhav the self-anointed guardians to send their Sena to rescue her.