New Liberalization Policy: India To Open Up Asshole for Everyone to Fuck

Wednesday, 17 February 2010 15:54

Written by Sirka Pyaaz

The Government today launched its new Liberalization Policy which will soon open up the country’s asshole for the entire world to fuck. This follows the opening up of the economy nearly 20 years ago. The policy was unveiled at a press conference earlier today with the theme of gaping, vulgar arse-holes. “Throughout history, Indians have loved the idea of getting ass-fucked. We wanted to codify that into a policy, so that the rest of the world will be aware of our love to be pounded from behind. The average size of the Indian asshole is still very small despite centuries of being raped in the dorsal region by foreigners, right from the Mughals to the British. This policy will ensure that our needs are met. The country might bleed initially, but it will eventually open our assholes up really wide” said a representative from the Prime Ministers Office.

While the liberalization policy of 1991 was purely economic, the current policy aims to remove any barrier that stops things from being jammed up your hole. It covers both internal and external issues, and promises to “percolate down to the common man”. This policy also addresses face-fucking and fisting.

We spoke with Mr. Sudomi, an expert in ass-fucking policy who said “The country’s asshole almost tore three days ago when terrorists sodomized the country by bombing Pune. It’s been 15 months and Ajmal Kasab still hasn’t removed his penis from the country’s ass. Maybe the country can’t get enough of him. To have someone insert his cock into your anus is a basic civil right that Indians have been fighting for. We fought for this right by constantly asking politicians to jump from behind and hold us down before shooting their heat seeking missiles into our back fields. We earned this right by being too lazy to look when someone decides to violate the ends of our alimentary canals. We earned this right by asking Monsanto to face-fuck us with BT brinjals.”

The economic policy covers various issues that result in the insertion of a foreign object into your orifice. Foreign companies with fists that are $10 billion or more in size (like POSCO or Vedanta) are now allowed to burn India’s rectum by acquiring ‘Red Corridor’ land at prices that are lower than our self-esteem. It also calls for Government officials and agencies to slide in and out of your anal hole at regular intervals.

The ‘International’ section of the policy calls for Pakistan to keep backdooring India with sly arse-intruding attacks while India engages in ‘bilateral talks’ with them. The biggest policy change however, was to completely open up our borders on all sides to ensure the insertion of maximum number of objects into your shitter. Most people in the armed forces felt that there was really no point in risking their lives to keep the country safe because “all that citizens do is buttfuck each other instead of engaging in nation building activity”. The policy also mentions China, which is biding it’s time since they feel that India’s asshole is not big enough to accommodate them. It is rumoured that they are awaiting the day India’s burgeoning arse becomes attractive enough for them to penetrate, and over time the policy will be extended to accomodate the fucking of India’s nose and ears, and over the course of evolution will even create additional orifices for comfort-fucking.

Of course, no policy is complete without the ‘Politics’ aspect, which asks for Indians to remain oblivious to the 545 parliamentarians that engage in mass orgies on television. The policy, which is a fair reflection of the needs and aspirations of the people, also encourages you to elect politicians that can make your asshole the widest. It encourages you to blame someone else when you get an anal disease after allowing media houses, film stars, politicians, industrialists and Governments to shove their sausages up your bungholes. It also calls for you to sit and watch Maoists and Naxals deflower India’s behind with their bare fists while you cry.

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