Adda Warren ka
Shantaram was elated beyond words by the verdict delivered by the local court in the Great Bhopal Tragedy of the late 80s when most of the web-crawlers in India were either just an idea or in nappies. He said, " This is a great judgment. Finally my prayers to Lords Hanuman, Vishnu, Godse, Shivyoni and the others have come true." Persistent our reporter, Manshika Dubliwani, was and she filed an exclusive from the chawls of Bhopal late tonight. Her abridged report ( for a full report please visit the offices of our trying-to-look-fearful-but failing-miserably, Home Minister, P.Chaddibhai ):
Sirji, why are you elated when the whole country is puking for whatever reasons, be it be starvation, no-water and bad rations?
Ha! these are day-to-day problems. Haven't you seen the laptop-backpack toting youngsters who go about their daily slave-routine in multi-storeyed slave-parks in bliss and using paper-less money?
Yes, but what's the co-relation?
Arre, re! Don't you see it? For the great Warren bhai to live his peaceful life, this terrorist Headley was finally allowed to meet the slob-sleuths from our country. And that is why Chaddibhai has ordered them to bring adult diapers straight from Wal-Mart.
I am afraid, we are not on the same page here, Shantaram bhai.
How can we be on the same page, when you are preening at the cameras and hoping that O-PainBalm-a invites you to a public selling of his wife wife, Michelle, after the unsuccessful bid by that former long-haired, bung-beetle who smoked the weed and licked the acid and went on to sing a song Lucy in the Sky with diamonds, miserably failed after slipping on the whites of the eggs in the Oval Room? Just hope that Warren does not leak gases as he drools over Michelle, the song by the dung-beetle.
Please Sire, continue.
And yes this funny habit of titles. Why do we call somebody Sir, just because a dowdy queen residing in a palace paid for by the taxes and with a husband whose prefix is Prince decides that on her birthday so-and-so would be called Sir and all of the ROW is supposed to listen and follow her doddering quill scribbles? You must be daft, Dubliwani.
Please have a glass of water, bhaiyya!
You are not my behan. And that water from the tap is not potable because my hero who hated the Gandhi family dumped all his waste into the subsoil around Bhopal in a fit of anger.
But why was he angry?
When the plant was set-up, Indira G had promised that Warren's alter-ego, Anderson would beget Pry-anika's fair and sullied hand. You have heard the Anderson Tapes? Listen to them..Nixon was a babe-in-the-woods when compared to those awesome tapes.
Sirji, lets talk about Warren bhai.
Okay, now that the obfuscation is complete, let me tell you the truth. My hero after having culled a few million lives all over the world, finally decided to settle down in India after making the usual, obligatory sacrifices of under-nourished children and their mothers. The problem was that some majority-militants decided to use the congress-wallas, especially after Indira G was shot by her trust-bearded guards like a rabid, you know what......
Sirji, you are really ancient..
...please do not interrupt my thought process, I am not a Naxalite from Orissa who can improvise and bring the scowl on to Chaddibhai's face. Did you notice how adroitly both, Chaddibhai and Banner G used the voraciously rabid media and diverted all the flak to some idiot in the police force of West Bengal (India mei East Bengal kahaan pe hai..aap logoun ne pata kiya kya? Arre, go and ask, na. If Beautiful Calcutta can be renamed Kol-Katta, why cant West Bengal be re-named as just Bengal..so much saving of ink and contribution to making this planet 'Green' would have taken place, na?)
Where is Warren the fugitive, Sirji?
Arre, please do not call him fugitive. He did exactly what he promised to Indira G and as an experiment he got rid of the rags and the drain on resources. Had he had his way, everywhere in India, there would be no impoverished people, every one would be happy and go to a slave-park from 9-5 and earn slave-wages and live in slave-cages called apart-men-ts and would, like, a horny rabbit in the warren produce more slave-childs'..Byee, Dubliwani, please visit me again and write about my clutch in the warren, when you next come.
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