Onion Uttapam : India's Leading Satire Daily

Driving through congested Mumbai roads, forced to park for a long duration at a busy traffic signal, I spent frustrating five minutes glancing at the hoardings all around. One hoarding stuck me as odd, a bit different from the rest of hoardings, as if some vital element was missing which was making the hoarding less captivating then all the other hoardings. And just as the traffic lights turned green, I realized that the missing element was a 'celebrity'. The celebrity-less hoarding, as you must have guessed by now, was used to endorse Samsung refrigerators, manufactured by your company.

Its quite unbelievable that a multi-national company like yours chooses to advertise one of its premier products without help of a celebrity endorsement. Yes, you do have a plain-looking house-wife wearing a yellow sari smiling from hoardings and fluttering her eyelashes in your television commercials, trying her best to remind viewers why buying refrigerators of your company is the best decision they could take. But this plain-looking lady is clearly not a celebrity. She might be homely and persuasive, but is she a superstar who has starred in 29 superhit movies, danced at 290 weddings, anchored record-breaking quiz shows & several filmfare awards and endorsed 109 different products?

Obviously not!

How could you have never thought of approaching me for endorsing Samsung refrigerators? Are you worried about the huge endorsement fees that I charge for endorsing products? Well, a billion-dollar company with presence in 157 countries shouldn't be worried about money. When you are dealing with Shahrukh Khan, the last thing on your mind should be money. What should be on your mind, is how using my dynamic screen presence and my smooth and savvy sales-talk, you would be able to push thousands of more Samsung refrigerators off the shelves every single day.

I'm quite a deal for any company desiring to increase its sales easily and quickly having successfully endorsed 109 products in last fifteen years of my film, television and advertising career. With 109 product endorsements in my bag, I'm without doubt India's most successful celebrity salesman, with a proven track record of increasing sales of endorsed products manifold in a short duration.

It wasn't for nothing that sometime back, Neha Dhupia had famously remarked that in bollywood, only sex and SRK sells. But as you know, in last few years I've moved beyond the boundaries of bollywood and today I not only sell but also help people sell whatever crap they wish to sell. Possessing a midas touch, everything that I touch or endorse turns into gold. And as you know, recently, I've successfully managed to sell an entirely new way of playing cricket.

In brief, your company needs me. I've sold many types of products, but I can't remember advertising for a refrigerator (and in case I've endorsed some other refrigerator model in past, I apologize. Its difficult remembering every product I've helped sell, considering I've endorsed over a hundred!) Its time I start endorsing refrigerators too.

I would do an excellent job selling Samsung refrigerators. A high quality, ultra-cool refrigerator from your stable deserves a salesman who is the best in everything he does - someone who will go all his way to make your product grab the largest market pie.

A Hot n Cool superstar like me can make your refrigerator hot n cool like me. Rest assured that once I start advertising your refrigerators, they will be reckoned as coolest refrigerators and become the hottest selling ones too.

So what are you waiting for? You wouldn't get a better deal than me endorsing your product. And if you are still not convinced, think about this - If I can convince entire Indian & NRI population that I act and not ham, I can surely sell a refrigerator.

Comments (3)

nehag said:

	This one is really too good. Bechare Shahrukh Khan ki achche se kheench dali hai. This site is a reason for me to smile everyday.
	report abuse vote down vote up

May 12, 2008
Votes: +0

ragini said:

	Take a chill pill dude !! You've endorsed practically every product from cars to biscuits to..........what have you. Time you stepped aside for the sari clad female with fluttering eyelashes while you cool ur heels !
	report abuse vote down vote up

May 04, 2008
Votes: +1

maverick58 said:

	If only he would promote this site
	report abuse vote down vote up

May 04, 2008
Votes: +0

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