Since I had placed a huge bet that Dick would move in to that funny shaped office called Oval being occupied currently by an egghead who is mostly on vacation playing golf while not on his knees pleading with the Saudis for more oil in exchange for his rockets and planes I caught him on video-chat. The first thing he said was, "It is an almost invisible face these days. A candidate, he says, must have a "cut-out" so that the really nasty stuff destroys the opposition without blow-back."So what are you doing these days?
"On wait for a call from McCain.The only way he can beat Obama is by running a slash-and-burn campaign.Obama and his wife are elitists and weak. They don't share middle-class values.Middle-class Americans are proud of their country and they are not. He thinks he's going to sit down with Iran and Hamas: how do you know he's not going to sit down with a suicide bomber? All he's going to do is raise taxes."
Thats the usual from the Democrats. Tell us about yourself.
"Oh, I am 56, was born in New York, my parents are Hungarian and Italian. Have moved to Miami for a year-round tan, hehe, and people call me a an old-fashioned Commie who plays hardball politics. I just have different views about everything, just like you seem to have. For an Indian at your age to sport an ear-ring is pretty uncommon."
Who is your political guru?
"Oh!! so you read about that Nixon scowl between my shoulder blades, hehe. Actually, he was a classic Empire man, having understood the politics of hate and division. Look what the British have done to your country. The progeny of those seeds are mutiplying sultry night by sultry night. In fact your country is more restrictive on Freedom of speech than ours. Hate is a strong motivator than love. Look at Gujarat. That is a very good example of Hitlerian dogma than any thing else. The neo-Nazis would be proud. If you can corrupt the system far enough, it will come into its own. I used that tactic to bring down Mike Dukakis. The campaighn was so successful that it destroyed him and gave the White House to the first Bush, in 1988."
It is known as a benchmark for dirty politics.
"Get real, dude. Politics is dirty. Didnt Nehru and his ilk personify it through their perpetual lineage? Have you people forgotten Nagarwala, Indira gandhi's bete noire, whose IO was released long enough from Jail after interrogarng him on a wet night and conveniently killed by a speeding vehicle. He had the goods on her. And thats why he died in jail. He should have come to me. He could have at least retired to some private beach in the Bahamas. Take Dukakis for example. I simply attacked him for putting putting dangerous criminals back on the streets with a liberal prisoner furlough programme as Governor of Massachusetts. My colleague in gathering dirt, Lee Atwater added the photograph of Willie Horton, a rapist who murdered while on parole and looked like a caricature of a scary black man. The campaign was won. And the Democrats lost badly."
How do you chill out when stressed?
" I do have my workout regimen which I follow strictly and of course love my Vodka-Martinis and of course I like to swing occassionally by advertising for partners as "Hot insatiable lady and her handsome body-builder husband, experienced swingers, seek similar couples...". what the heck everybody does have his idiosyncracies like your Gandhi when he miserably failed to stop an erection as he slept between 2 nude women for a night. How much more kinky could you get than that in the 1940s? And yet you people revere him as God. But that slip of mine cost me my job with Bob Dole in 1996 and Bil Clinton went on to win and provided us public spectacles all through out, though people began to treat me as a touch-him-not"
Would you like to tell us about your recent and not-so-recent achievements?
"Well, blush, blush, actually during the recount in the 2000 election James Baker, the fixer for Dubya called me. I did what had to be done; that is I thought the Cubans in Miami were the best bet because if he got them riled up enough they would scare the Florida political establishment into ruling for Bush. He took out radio adverts denouncing the recount as a "left-wing power grab by Gore in the same way as Castro did it in Cuba, the recount was passed to the Supreme Court like a hot potato. and well, the rest is history. And recently, Spitzer the idiot Governor of New York who sermonised about everything, well I found the prostitute in a club called the Miami velvet and she gave me the details: Spitzer's penchant for doing it in his socks but without a condom. One sock kept falling down...that was good enough to bring him down"
And your parting message?
"Barack Obama - you have been warned" Quote this article on your site
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The Fixer
Thursday, 12 June 2008
Roger S is the living avataar of Paul Drake, the legendeary detective who helped Perry Mason dismantle iron-clad cases against his clients 5 pages...
Thursday, 12 June 2008
Roger S is the living avataar of Paul Drake, the legendeary detective who helped Perry Mason dismantle iron-clad cases against his clients 5 pages...
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