Social Networking Made Easier For The Cyber-Challanged

Friday, 20 February 2009 18:21

Written by essbee, onion uttapam news

Are you one of those who gets extremely overwhelmed by the proliferation of social networking sites wondering where's the best place to start developing your online profile? Do you feel underrepresented on the world wide web and wish that you too could boast of hundreds of virtual friends available to you at a press of a keystroke? Do you strongly desire to develop a dynamic online presence that would showcase the best of you to millions of netizens all over the world but don't have adequate time to sign up and keep regularly updating dozens of networking sites?

If you belong to the archaic tribe of the poorly-networked and feel that you are missing out on the exciting world of Web 2.0 connectivity, then help is just a few clicks (and few hundred dollars on your credit card bill) away. Your Face in Our Space Networkers Inc has launched a new website we-face-the-cyberspace-4u.com that will do all the networking you need to do to remain competitive in today's highly networked world. In exchange for a small annual fee, the site claims that it will put you up on all the popular social networking sites like Facebook, MySpace, Orkut, Hi5, Twitter etc allowing you to live your real offline life free of anxiety and stress of keeping up with the Net-Joneses.

social_networking_sites-l "We will do the social networking for you. For a small annual fee, we will keep you networked to ensure that you remain connected to the ever-changing culture of today's networked youth. If you use our services, you wouldn't even need to own a computer, leave alone wasting hundreds of hours filling online forms, uploading your pictures or thinking up witty status messages. We will do everything for you. We will set up your profiles on as many social networking sites as you want and make all of them as cool, clever or sexy as you want" said Mark Sheldon, chief executive officer of the newly established website.

Explaining the concept behind the innovative idea, Mark Sheldon said that those who sign up for the services will initially have to provide all their personal details about every aspect of their lives. Their own exaggerated opinion about themselves, likes, dislikes, their embarrassing taste in music, movies, music, television, literature, political or religious views or lack of interest in politics/religion, favorite brands, relationship status, their weirdest romantic and sexual fantasies, details of their ceaseless search for the perfect mate/job, cool quotations to make them appear smarter than they actually are, their smoking or drinking habits, color of their eyes and hair, their noticeable body parts, turn on-off switches or pet peeves.

"Of course, we will need your photos too. All of them. Snapshots of you looking intensely at your webcam, you with cake on your face at your birthday party, you reclining on your sofa, you standing proudly in front of your four-wheeler, you at a beach with your girlfriend being hit by waves, you dangling a bone before your doggie, you admiring the sunset in Timbuktu, you grinning stupidly pretending to be amused, you making idiotic faces while drunk." said Mark.

"Once we have all the information that you can provide to us, we will release it selectively to keep your profiles regularly look fresh and updated. Our specially designed software will generate the coolest status messages, select the best videos, fluffy picture messages, cute or witty posters, best digital gift items, most appropriate emoticons and send them to your friends at regular intervals. We have developed a very smart software which will analyse the response you get from your friends and based on their responses the software will send the right digital gifts, invitations to join groups/causes/play childish games and drinking/partying requests to the right friends. Depending upon your preferences you have indicated while signing up for our services, our software will also search and choose for you the quantity and quality of online friends that you require on your various profiles"

We-face-the-cyberspace-4u.com promises to bring the fruits of digital revolution to those too busy living real life doing real activities without the extra effort needed to invent a vibrant virtual life in order to keep pace with everyone else.